Tennessee Supreme Court Okays "Bitch Slap"
Date Posted to Site: 01/21/2007
DAVIDSON COUNTY, TN-The Supreme Court of
Tennessee ruled Tuesday after more than a week of
heated debate, that a one-on-one exchange known
colloquially as a "bitch slap" was not in
violation of any local, state or federal laws they were aware of.
The four-to-one decision, read by Chief Justice
Frank F. Drowota, declares that citizens have the
right to "strike, with an open hand, any and all
persons, be it male or female, of sound mind and
without distinguishable handicap, if that person
or persons shall say or do something that would,
by most accounts, be considered ignorant,
arrogant, overtly feminine, hypersensitive, or whiny."
In addition, the ruling indicates that "the party
on the receiving end of this treatment, shall
not, at any time, weep, sob or threaten to call
the authorities, seek or achieve solace in talk
show hosts or any other daytime programming, as
in doing so would automatically give greater
authority and credence to the party on the giving
end of this treatment to continue with greater
voracity until such time as deemed necessary."
Outside the courthouse, there was a strong
reaction to the ruling among constituents, with
most clapping in support of the long-awaited
decision, and a much quieter minority who
attempted to slip away without detection.
Despite the one dissenting vote cast by Justice
Janice M. Holder, the lone female on the Court,
Holder still admits that she's anxious to get
home and "have a little talk" with her husband,
who hasn't worked in 5 years due to bouts with chronic depression.
"I can't wait," Holder said as she bent over to
comfort a trembling housewife. "Seriously. I need to get home. Where's my car?"
